Aloft, like a royal czar and king, the sun seemed giving this gentle air to this bold and rolling sea; even as bride to groom. And at the girdling line of the horizon, a soft and tremulous motion – most seen here at the equator – denoted the fond, throbbing trust, the loving alarms, with which the poor bride gave her bosom away.

Chapter 132, The Symphony

 

Last week I fell in love.

Madly ,

deeply ,

undeniable and

intoxicatingly

in love. . .

with my husband of fifteen years.

It happens sometimes.

Without a birth, or a death,

Without the jarring realignment of a move from one home to the next,

Without any transition at all.

It can come without a long separation,

Without an absence depriving me for nights on end

of his presence pressing warm against my spine,

his arm anchored around my ribs,

to pull me in to him.

It happens sometimes for no reason at all except

That he is

there.

Stubbornly there.

And that  I have slipped just far enough away to see myself whole

Outside of him.

And I suddenly long

For the harbor

of his intimate knowledge of me.

He has studied me

and learned me over the course

of two decades.

And the knowledge has not left him

disillusioned,

but rather,

the knowledge is its own pleasure.

The depth of the knowledge

Carves a  secret, private world where the two of us

alone

can escape.

And there is too,

the capacity he displays in his

determination to view the fact

that I,

somehow,

forgot the change the oil in the van

for three years

and now the engine is shot. . .

as a sort of adventure.

We will help each other remember

to pour a quart of oil in

every Saturday

Oh, yes, it is burning oil badly now,

a puff of  blue smoke at ignition

clouds over the bumper sticker which reads, ironically:

“Environmental Protection

IS a Family Value”

And we cringe, at our lack of funds

To maintain our ethics.

But he speaks no blame.

In the midst of this

mundane

and everyday

nothing-glittering-about-it

clean-the-cat-box,

water-the-chickens

life,

it is not often noted that just as often

as things fall apart,

they come together

and after fifteen years

he can insist

he wants me,

only me,

as he presses a mug of coffee into my hands

and

leads me outside

to point out the dew

which morning has left on the vines.

 

 

“It took me by surprise when you told me I’ve been sleeping, with my eyes open wide.”

Colin Devlin, The Heart Won’t be Denied.

This song, by the way, is available as a FREE MP4 on Amazon .  I went into a freebie music download frenzy last week, and this little album was one of my finds.  Check it out.

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